Face it. How much of your day do you intentionally spend with people whose company you don't really enjoy? People's likeability affects how others interact with them - especially in the workplace.

Robert Cialdini is perhaps one of the best-known researchers documenting the role of likeability in influencing others. The Principle of Liking, explored in his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, asserts that we respond more readily and favorably to people we like - and to the friends and associates of people we like. Another important concept of Cialdini's work is the Principle of Social Proof: When we see others engaging in an activity or behavior, we infer it is acceptable and feel better about doing it ourselves.

Given that the work of meetings and conferences is particularly relationship-oriented, likeability has potentially significant implications for our individual effectiveness. While we can't necessarily make everyone like us, we can certainly become generally more likable by engaging in some common-sense relationship practices: getting to know someone by learning about the person behind the professional; investing in our relationships with others by interacting with them not only when we need something from them; helping others achieve success; being respectful of others' perspectives and needs; not judging others too quickly or harshly; and sincerely expressing our appreciation for others' contributions.

In addition, consider two less obvious factors that affect your likeability:

Not encountering enough diversity
If we tend to hang with people we like and often those people are like us, we might unintentionally develop personal and professional networks that aren't particularly inclusive. And since we tend to favor peer perceptions and choices, the decisions we make might favor a limited perspective. Planners working with volunteers need to consider if their interactions are sufficiently inclusive to offer insight into the range of members' professional-development needs and preferences.

While interacting with individuals somehow different from us might not be instinctive, intentionally doing so clearly can broaden whom we see as likable and the influence their choices might have on our own. I'm not suggesting that you run out to get a new friend of a different race, but that you take a look at your primary networks. How much of an echo chamber might you have unknowingly created for your own viewpoints and biases?

Assuming we just need to be more persuasive
When we encounter resistance to our ideas, we often think we just aren't making a compelling enough case; that it's a matter of being more persuasive. So we polish our elevator speech, slide deck, and personal appeals. In reality, others might be supportive of our proposal's substance, but they just don't look at us all that favorably.

Organizational philosopher and consultant Peter Block explores this idea in his book The Empowered Manager. He notes that one of the critical skills for any manager is negotiating agreement and negotiating trust. Negotiating agreement is all about the quality and content of our actual idea; negotiating trust is about the quality of our relationships with others. It could be the reason why someone else might offer a suggestion and find favor from others who rejected the same idea when we proposed it. It's not about the idea - it's about us.

Take Away
The mark of a good leader is the ability to negotiate agreement - the quality and content of your actual idea - as well as to negotiate trust, which is about the quality of your relationships with others.

Before you start to sell your idea harder next time you encounter resistance, consider that the product needing some repositioning might actually be you and the quality of your
relationship with your target audience.

Jeffrey Cufaude is a former higher education administrator, meeting planner, and association executive. He currently writes, speaks, and facilitates on a variety of individual and organizational leadership issues. Learn more about his work at www.ideaarchitects.org.

To submit topic ideas and feedback on the Leading Learning column, e-mail jeffrey@ideaarchitects.org.

Leading Learning is sponsored by Freeman, www.freemanco.com.