Charles was my first mentor when I was a young banker. He was my friend and colleague, and later became my manager. At that time, we didn't have a formal relationship as mentor and protégé; rather it developed organically when I occasionally sought his advice and counsel. He helped me wade through the unwritten rules of corporate politics and overcome my naiveté about workplace issues in general. Although we haven't worked together or lived in the same city for more than 20 years, we stay in touch and continue to be important in each other's lives. Our relationship taught me the value of having a mentor and being a mentor on the career continuum.

Choosing a Mentor

You're never too old - or too far along in your career - to seek the counsel of a mentor, who can help you navigate organizational and interpersonal concerns, stretch your thinking, challenge you, and even facilitate change in your life.

Starting today, you can seek wisdom from someone you respect. It's best to select someone outside of your management chain whom you trust implicitly. Ask someone whose qualities you admire and would like to emulate. Perhaps you want to become a better negotiator: Ask someone whose negotiating talent you respect. Most people are flattered to be asked to be a mentor, but if a prospective mentor declines, it is usually because of a lack of interest or time. Don't take this personally. It's better to know upfront that someone isn't available than to enter into a relationship that will disappoint both of you.

Be Accountable

As a protégé, it's your job to be accountable. This may seem obvious, but there are many protégés who don't honor their commitments. Mentors will not take you seriously if they suggest something, and you don't follow through.

In your role as a protégé, make sure you:

• Set clear goals. Know what you want to learn and accomplish from your mentor, and express this when you begin the relationship.
• Take the mentor relationship seriously. It's disrespectful to ask for help, then never follow up with your mentor.
• Apply your new knowledge. Working with a mentor can be like a private practicum, especially if you apply your new knowledge right away. This reinforces what you've just learned, and gives you a framework to explore different nuances in upcoming sessions with your mentor.
• Respect the mentor's time. Be prepared for your appointments with a succinct accounting of your progress as well as a list of issues you want to discuss.
• Don't become a burden. If you find that in general you need more time than your mentor has available, revisit the parameters of your relationship to determine if it still makes sense for both of you.
• Move on. Most mentoring relationships exist over a finite period of time. When it's time to move on, be prepared to do so. Make sure that you thank your mentor appropriately to honor the wisdom that s/he has bestowed on you.

When someone mentors you, one of the best ways you can pay back the favor is to mentor someone yourself. S/he can be someone who shows potential in your area of expertise, someone who needs a little nudge, or simply a person you care about. The cycle of mentoring is about learning from someone you respect, and passing your wisdom along to someone else.

Lisa Aldisert is a New York City-based management consultant and professional speaker specializing in strategic business growth and leadership development. Her latest book is Valuing People: How Human Capital Can Be Your Strongest Asset. You can e-mail her at lisa@businessgrowth.com or visit her Web site at www.businessgrowthcenter.com.